How Do We Love Our Neighbor?

34 But when the Pharisees heard that He had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. 35 Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying, 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:34-40

But how do we love our neighbor as ourselves? What does this mean, literally? What does it look like?

First, to begin to understand what Jesus is telling us in the scripture above, and then attempt to apply it to our lives, we must define how our society understands and accepts the concept of love, and then come to an understanding of how throughout all scripture, Jesus has defined His concept of what love is.

Although others, including myself, do not accept it as such, the majority in our society here in the ‘Western world,’ as in other regions on earth have accepted a popular concept that love is just an emotional feeling that can be displayed in many different ways and is not permanent in that it can come and go. This definition of love accepts that this emotion can be born instantly and can die instantly, and it is born through personal familiarity whether it be an attraction, a relationship, or any direct connection with another person. If we accept this description, love can arise from any given interaction, but the emotion of love implies a specific connection with another person or object.

One type of love that we are familiar with is the sacrificial parental love we have for our children, and usually, we would do whatever is necessary to take care of them, at any cost. Almost equal to this is the love we feel for our spouses which is often filled with emotion, attraction, trust, and respect. It is not difficult to know the difference between these two, in that we can see how our love for our spouse differs from our love for our children. These forms of love are natural and require no special instruction to accomplish them, although we may often need instruction on how to do them better.

Next in line, in terms of emotional intensity, can be our love for parents, extended family, and even reaching out to close friends. We are familiar with these forms of love, but emotions at this level contain varying emotional intensity levels, feelings of responsibility, and accountability.

Next in terms of emotional intensity, we may include friendships that extend beyond our immediate circle of responsibility or accountability, and this includes loosely connected friends and acquaintances with whom we care for their general welfare and are grieved when they experience difficulties. We may even be compelled to assist in some way to help them when capable, but chances are, we would not jeopardize our more immediate needs and responsibilities to do so.

There is another form of love, however, that we are commanded to have, with a built-in inner ability to have and show in our lives, and it is love for our neighbors, i.e., everyone else as stated in the quoted scriptures. This one is more difficult and most of us don’t understand what loving our neighbors means as it is not practiced in society. It is love for everyone, but how do we love someone we don’t know personally or sometimes don’t even like? How do we show love for that stranger standing next to us in line at the supermarket? It’s easy to conceptualize how we might be able to love our friends with a slightly shallower love than our family, but what about everyone else? How do we love our neighbors and other strangers as well? What does that physical act look like?

The love we are commanded to have for our fellow man can best be understood by observing the example Jesus set for us when He walked on the earth. He showed love to everyone by showing respect, compassion, and mercy, by GENUINELY caring for them and their needs. He did not judge strangers based on their appearance, position in life, occupation, or more importantly, their history. He welcomed and showed compassion to every person He encountered, even those who tried to provoke and punish Him. His actions demonstrated that He was different and that He genuinely loved them, and this is exactly how we are supposed to love each other now, in the 21st century.

Just a point to conceptualize here is that the love displayed by Jesus was not emotionally based. It did not depend on His prevailing emotion at the moment. It was based on His respecting every individual as an equal or superior to himself and His caring for their situation or condition in life.
Another point of consideration: I am not implying this responsibility to love our neighbors as ourselves applies only to those who identify as Christians. It is a command given by Jesus that applies to every human on earth.

Does it sound impossible to do this? Well, quite honestly, in our natural human state, it may be. As humans, and the imperfect creatures that we are, we have limitations on our abilities to do certain things, and while many of these limitations can be stretched and conformed to accommodate our choices, they still exist. Most of these limitations though, are not instilled at birth. Most of them are instilled by societal influences throughout our lives, and these societal influences can be so strong, that it takes a miraculous feat to overcome them. Oftentimes we are not strong enough to accomplish this on our own even when we want to. There is hope though!

First, we must develop a desire to care for others, and yes, desire is the correct word because it is something we must choose to do. Some are better equipped for this than others. For some, caring and compassion for other people are strong driving forces in their lives. For others, these traits are as foreign as a foreign language. Regardless of how natural it comes to us; doing it is still a choice that we must make. Fortunately, if we choose, we have access to a supernatural power that can completely override and overhaul these inbred attitudes. Once we have made the choice and have committed to applying the effort required to care for and love strangers as Jesus did, prayer and effort are all that are necessary to develop our ability to do so. If we truly desire it and ask in prayer, God will move in and turn on abilities that He planted in us from the beginning, giving us the desire and ability to live after the example that He provided for us.

After that, we can learn how to show love for our neighbors by studying Jesus’ actions as recorded in the Bible. We can learn to look for ways to help strangers in their need. We can learn how to show them respect regardless of their position in life. We can actively look for ways to help each other by placing others’ needs above ours just as Jesus did. Trust me, if there is one thing that will truly bring you happiness in this world, it is developing the ability to love others more than yourself. I am not an expert on this issue, but I have had some experience with it, and I have experienced some of the joy that comes from it. We must learn to love others, as we love ourselves. This is what God commands of us, and He is willing to provide us with all the tools necessary to accomplish it if we are only willing to ask Him for this, and then put it into practice.

Just think about some of the things that you do to pamper yourself, and then consider what might happen if you did them for someone else instead, or gave money to that person on the street corner, or God forbid, stop looking down on people that are less fortunate than you, and try doing some little something to help make their life a little better. Could that spa membership be better spent at a homeless shelter? I believe if you focus more on giving to others than trying to improve your health or personal appearance, God will take care of your health in the manner He sees fit. Could you mow your neighbor's lawn or take in their trash cans for them without demanding recognition? When you see someone in a store having a difficult moment, could you offer to help them in some way? Very often, an unexpected compliment from a stranger can change the day of someone who is having a tough time. Trivial things can make a dramatic difference. When you think of splurging on something because you want it or think you have earned it, consider taking the money for that and giving it to a place you know could use it for the benefit of others.

When we all stop thinking only of pampering ourselves and think of helping others first, then, and only then, can the world be changed. As long as this is a ‘me first’ or ‘make me better’ world, nothing will change, and Jesus’ commandment will go unfollowed.